Game day changes

By Lynette George

Herald Democrat

Super Bowl Sunday is here and I’m excited, but it has nothing to do with football.

Nearly every year, a group of our family members and long-time friends get together for the game. This year, thanks to predicted sunny skies and fairly warm temps, we’ll be watching the festivities outside, just like at the drive-in! If things turn chilly, we’ll be prepared with a good, old-fashioned trash barrel fire or some other combustible heating source.

Honestly, I never know who’s playing the game, and I don’t care. I just wait to see which team my sports-loving cousin Mindy is rooting for and I pick the opposite one so I can mess with her. Of course, we rarely watch the game itself except for maybe the last 10 minutes or so. When the players are on the field, we’re all usually feeding our faces, refilling drinks and hitting the necessary room so we’ll be ready for all the commercials and the halftime show.

Call me un-American, but I just don’t get that worked up over folks running all over a mowed pasture chasing a weird-shaped ball. It is, however, slightly more entertaining when there’s a big pile-up, kind of like a human demolition derby. In truth, though, I’ve seen more interesting athletic plays at the stores on Black Friday than I usually do in a football game, and those folks weren’t getting paid gazillions of dollars to make an appearance.

That gives me an idea. Instead of paying these football players tons of money, let’s change the rules. Each player gets paid on a per-game basis and the pay is determined by how well they perform individually. For example, quarterbacks receive a certain sum for each completed pass, less a certain amount for being sacked or throwing an interception. Anybody in line to catch said ball will get paid per each successful catch plus a set amount multiplied by the number of yards they ran during the game, then a bonus for each touchdown. Defensive team members get paid based on number of tackles, blocks, etc., less a set amount for each touchdown completed by the opposing team. They get extra cash for quarterback sacks. Everyone gets penalized for doing something on or off field that’s just plain stupid.

Best of all, there are no rules. Anything goes, short of causing serious bodily injury or using weapons or explosives. Save those for halftime!

Now THAT, I’d watch!

Happy birthday Sunday to Sharon Kay Smith of Denison; Rosalind Johnson and Donnie Phea, both of Sherman; Dayten Hughes of Gordonville; Denny Allison of Westminster; Joseph Henderson of Howe; Pat Orr of Van Alstyne; Janet Ketchum Sirmen of Nocona; Glenda Pollard-Wagoner.

Happy anniversary Sunday to Logan and Kayleigh Tidwell of Fairbanks, Alaska, 6 years.