Jobs for seniors

Speaking of getting older (which, by the way, I’m refusing to do), I started thinking about jobs for seniors. Retirement isn’t an option for me, so I thought I’d check out senior job opportunities after I’m kicked out of the newspaper biz.

One Internet site listed “great part-time jobs for older adults,” as reported by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. I read through them, and, minus one or two, I’m pretty well up a creek without a boat, much less a paddle. Here were a few of the suggestions:

Baby sitting: Listen,I have a rough enough time with the fur kids. Unless they let me use duct tape and plastic wrap to control the human kiddos, that’s not an option.

Party planner: Now that’s an area I could sink my teeth (or, by that time, probably my dentures) into. Not much planning has to be done, at least in my book. Give me a pasture, some tree limbs (or anything burnable), gasoline, matches, a few old couches for comfortable seating, a truck tailgate or two and a really big ice chest. They’ll have their party!

Gardener: Not in this lifetime. I was traumatized in the garden as a child (stickers and spiders), and for some reason, all living plants take one look at me and their little leaves just start falling off. It’s kind of sad.

Seamstress: Let me see. Sewing machine: A power tool with a sharp object moving a thousand miles an hour that requires me to put my hands next to it in order to move fabric under aforementioned sharp object. Yep. That’s a hospital visit in the making.

Paid companion or home care worker: That’s a possibility … as long as they watch the same TV shows I do and I don’t have to do anything complicated like cook real food or something. And don’t even ask if I’ll change bandages or something if the person was a medical patient. I’d unintentionally have him or her so wrapped up in gauze and tape they’d probably suffocate.

Caterers/cooks: Not a problem, as long as all they want is hotdogs and cheese dip!

Crafters: I get confused just tying my shoe laces. I don’t have a “crafty” bone in my body. That’s a no-deal.

There were several other ideas, but none that would work for me. Guess I’ll have to come up with something on my own … maybe a professional denture cleaner or adult diaper model?

Happy birthday Sunday to Linda Dixon of Whitewright; Richard McCracken of Bells; Sherrie Tew twins, Makaylia Galloway and Aniya Galloway, all of Denison; Linda Taube, Vincent Jones and Veronica Polk, all of Sherman; Dan Sikes and his son, Timothy Sikes, both of Edmond, Okla.; Davon Ingram of Princeton.

Happy anniversary Sunday to Jerry and Francina Dehorney of Denison, 44 years; Alan and Dena Elk of Denison, 23 years.